Twittering around...

Right. Here's a new feature; tweets of the week. I'll select a bunch of tweets that I think are excellent. Topical, funny, just damn right good fucking tweets. Usually I'll select them from anyhting I've felt the need to re-tweet. But I'll listen to suggestions! Hit me up with some nominations and the chances are they'll find their way in here. Enjoy 'em!

@Queen_UK - No, Bono has not been invited to the Wedding. This is because the DoE is quite convinced that "he is a twat".

@back_of_the_net - Unexpectedly, El Classico has degenerated into 22 players trying to con the referee into sending someone off.

@TheFagCasanova - Gareth Southgate looks like a horse who's constantly baffled by his own ability to talk.

@chapmanfamily - I bet the birth certificate of Donald Trump's hair doesn't match the birth certificate of Donald Trump. #donaldtrumpisabellend

@TheFagCasanova - Molotov Cocktail = Worst house warming gift ever.

@smashingmag - If offering a white model of a phone is enough to generate viral buzz, then something is terribly wrong with our world. #iphone4

@DianaInHeaven - Ha ha ha ha! She's going in a fucking CAR! I went in a CHARIOT!!

@WillyBillyWood - I just saw a rat eating a dead rat while waiting for a train to take me to a job that barely pays my rent. #royalwedding

@OctoberJones - Pippa Middleton's arse is like a JK Rowling book. You know Harry's going to be in it.

@wedgeallan – hes no deed

@sickipediabot - Prince Harry reported missing after a secret fancy dress party somewhere in Pakistan...

Greatest Televised Event Ever? Or Merely A Day Off?

By Jack Webster

This Friday sees the culmination of months of hype and interest that have surrounded Kate Middleton’s transformation from regular girl to Princess, as she marries Prince William. But are people really bothered about the ceremony, or are most people simply glad of a day off?

April 29 will be a public holiday for Britons to ‘enjoy the ceremony’, however it remains to be seen how many people will indeed be tuning in.

One person who certainly will be watching from home is singer Lily Allen who has not only not received an invitation, but appears jealous of at least one of the guests who has been. She posted a comment on Twitter that said: “You can quote me as 'outraged', why does bloody Joss Stone get an invite and not moi?" Perhaps this is a perfect time for her to sing her song ‘It’s not fair and I think you’re really mean.’

So it appears Joss Stone will be in attendance along with numerous other celebrities. Probably the most high profile guests will be the Beckham’s. David and Victoria will fly over from Los Angeles to attend the ceremony on Friday and were quoted as saying they were ‘delighted’ at being on the list. Fellow sportsman Ireland Rugby captain Brian o’Driscoll has however declined an invitation as his club side Leinster face Toulouse in the Heineken Cup Semi Final on the Saturday. His wife Amy will be attending alone as Brian was quoted as saying: “Rugby comes before anything.” I wonder how his wife feels about that?!

Film director and Madonna’s ex-husband Guy Ritchie will also be in attendance, though there is not invite for his girlfriend Jacqui Ainsley. One interesting fact you may not know is that Guy Ritchie is in fact Kate’s sixth cousin once removed. How does Madonna feel now, knowing she could have been (however tenuously) linked to the Royal Family!

Another of the more surprising guests is controversial and outspoken rapper Kanye West. Let’s hope he doesn’t run up on stage as the wedding is in progress and tell Kate that Diana’s Royal Wedding was better in a stunt reminiscent of that he pulled at the MTV Video Music Awards 2009 when he ran up on stage and told winner Taylor Swift that Beyonce’s video for ‘Single Ladies’ was better.

Also in attendance will be comedian Rowan Atkinson, who is probably best known for his portrayal of the blunder-prone character ‘Mr Bean.’ He, along with Kate and William will be hoping Friday goes much smoother than any of Mr Bean’s escapades.

One thing this guest list shows is that this is a Royal couple who are trying to bring the
Royal Family into the 21^st century inviting sports stars, music stars and comedians among many others. Will they succeed in updating the Royal Family’s image? One thing’s for sure … we can all have a lie in on Friday!

@JackWebster014