The Christchurch earthquake, The Japanese earthquake and tsunami, Manchester City making it to The F.A. Cup final, and now this. Geordie Shore. The Mayans were correct. The world will end in 2012. Quit your job, stop going to school and uni, they don't matter any more. Enjoy yourself while you can. Although the folks at MTV are really trying to make sure you go out as angry as an 8 year old trying to get onto the PlayStation Network.
I just “met the cast” of Geordie Shore on MTV's website. They could bore the legs off an oil rig.
First, we have Jay. He says his biggest fear is getting wrinkles. You don't need to worry about that you'll be dead next year. Second is Vicky. A “geordie girl with a VIP edge”. She couldn't be less very important if she were a fly banging against a glass window.
Next; Gary. Who proclaims he should have a degree in pulling women. I doubt he passed key stage 3 never mind GCSE's or A-levels. The ridiculously named Charlotte-Letitia is next. What the fuck was her mother on? Nearly as bad as the New Zealand parents who called their offspring Number 16 Bus Shelter (that is a true story). She tells us she would never kiss a man who didn't have a six pack. That's good, because usually the kind of prick that has a six pack also has the same brain space as her.
James next. The hardest graft he's ever done is doing his hair he says, he should have worked harder on that. Sophie then tells us she could talk the back legs of a donkey. Im sure the donkey would use those back legs to kick her face off if she went any where near the poor mammal. Keep your donkeys locked up, just incase she manages to sneak up on one, it would take about a millionth millionth of a second for even a donkey to get bored of her, and then your donkey wouldn't have any back legs. Not much fun then.
Greg next, who is “dressed to impress”. He's been the only one dressed at all so far. Last and least, Holly. Who admits she is fake, flirty and has double F's. You're fake? Really? I thought MTV only employed down to earth and honest people. I am bereft of any hope for mankind. I'm hoping someone fills up their favourite club with killer bees and bricks off the exits within seconds of the show starting.
Please make sure you're busy when this is on. Hopefully I'll catch you all for a pint before the end of the world, I'll be in The Barrels, crying.
